


Cloaca Dentata

by PastelPenguins



Series: Good Omens Crack-fics [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Embarrassment, Not Beta Read, Perfectly Horrid Velocipedes (Good Omens), Smut, Snake Sexual Habits, This was suppose to be crack why did it turn into feelings?, Vagina Dentata
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:21:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22660939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelPenguins/pseuds/PastelPenguins
Summary: This was suppose to be a crack fill, the prompt? Crowley's snakey habitsThen it turned into this and I wont apologize.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Good Omens Crack-fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789609
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Vagina Dentata](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/558313) by TvTropes. 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter has the smut for anyone who just came for that.

Aziraphale was confused, very, very confused honestly. It had been a year since the Apaca-no, and well, he’d finally gotten the nerve to confess his feelings shortly after, feelings that he knew Crowley would return, he could sense love after all, and Crowley did return his feelings both silently and verbally. So he could without a doubt, say he was very confused to see Crowley’s reaction to being touched between the legs while they kissed.

It’s not like they hadn’t taken this slow, and Crowley was more than enthusiastic to do all the other things one might consider foreplay. Though now? Now Crowley was a spluttering, wide-eyed, red faced mess. Who, by the way, was now toppled over the side of the couch with one foot in the air and his other leg bent at an odd angle.

“Er...Crowley, are you alright? Did I do something wrong?” Yes, this was very confusing indeed.

“Y-yeah angel, never been better, s’all good.” Crowley said, and slowly moved to get back up. He hadn’t been expecting Aziraphale to try and touch him there, and panicked. Just thank Someone, he had decided to stop making an effort now that the two of them had begun to get physical. 

He honestly was hoping he would never have to explain his snakish anatomy, that just had to stay with him in human form. Obviously it would, he couldn’t make his eyes more human either so why would genitalia be any different?

“Dear boy, that did not look like it was, “all good”, as you put it. Were my advances unwelcomed? I understand if they were, we can just do everything else we both like instead, if that’s the case.” Aziraphale said gently, worried that he had just touched Crowley in a very unwelcome way. Well it had to be very unwelcome, hadn’t it? After all, Crowley practically threw himself off the couch at his touch.

“N-no, it wasn’t that. You just spooked me is all...really!” Crowley said and held his arms up at the look Aziraphale gave him. With a sigh and what felt like a very hot blush, he sat back down on the couch and wrapped Aziraphale’s arms back around him like they were a moment ago. Then he leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Aziraphale’s lips and let his forehead rest against his angel’s.

“It’s just, ugh you’re gonna laugh or think it’s too weird.” Crowley said and let his eyes drop to his lap as his hands moved to rest on Aziraphale’s shoulders. Then he bit his lip and had to force his corporation to shut his eyes and scrunch them up, not wanting to see the look Aziraphale was bound to show him. 

“Or you’ll even be disgusted, you’ll probably be disgusted, and I know you said you like my eyes and I don’t wear my glasses around the shop anymore because of that. B-but this is way, way worse, really horrifying honestly and…” Crowley rambled, trying to explain and not wanting to at the same time, until Aziraphale cupped his face in both hands and lifted his face up. Now Aziraphale wasn’t just confused, he was concerned. What could have Crowley so upset and thinking he could ever be disgusted with him?

“Crowley, calm down my dear, what’s wrong?” Aziraphale said, every word sounding just as worried as he was. Crowley bit his lip, hard, and then slowly opened his eyes with a whimper.

“Teeth.” He said quietly and that had Aziraphale even more confused. Teeth? Was Crowley afraid he would use his teeth down there? Did...did that happen to him before?

“I...Crowley I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’m confused. What do you mean by teeth?” Crowley frowned and let his eyes, and then his hands drop back down to his lap and he fidgeted with them.

“Exactly what I said, teeth, I...well...I have them.” Aziraphale just blinked and Crowley scowled and motioned to his pelvis while raising his brows.

“Teeth!” He said again and then it dawned on Aziraphale, Crowley had actual teeth down there.

“O-oh...OH!’ He said sitting up straighter and Crowley glared, while he processed this information.

“So, you aren't able to manifest genitalia without teeth? Or there’s just a sort of...extra mouth down there?” He was actually very curious now, was this where those folk myths came from? The ones about toothed female genitalia? Well he could see how, as Crowley had been stationed around the world like he had, and seeing as Crowley was a snake the devouring part made sense...wait?!

“Er, before you answer that, you don't...um...eat the one who just had sex with you, do you? While I might be open to trying that, I’d rather know beforehand so I don…” Crowley hissed, indignantly and with tears in his eyes, tried to shove himself out of Aziraphale’s lap.

“I dont do that ssssshit, I just knew you’d make fun of me. In human form my pelvic muscles aren’t even sssstrong enough make the teeth even tear sssssskin. In my sssssnake form, it’sss jussst a femur that terminatessss in a claw-like pelvic ssssspur on each ssssside of of my cloaca.” He hissed out distressed and Aziraphale hugged him tightly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. If it bothers you so much we don’t have to have sexual intercourse," Crowley snorted and groaned at Aziraphale’s chosen way of saying sex, “Or if you want to, then why don’t you manifest a penis? I’m not opposed to that.” Aziraphale said softly and Crowley made a choked noise which prompted Aziraphale to loosen his hug so Crowley could look up at him easier.

“First of all, you still want to have sex even after what I said. Second, there’s no way I’m going to manifest that effort, ever.” Crowley said with figurative venom in his voice and Aziraphale’s brows knitted together at how hostile Crowley sounded.

“Yes and well, why ever not? There’s not a reason it would have teeth, would there be?” Crowley groaned, face going red again.

“No, but anytime I try to manifest that type of effort, I can never get rid of the second one. Snakes have paired, forked hemipenes. So when I try to make a cock in this form, I always end up with two and they are always spiked or hooked.” He groaned and let his head fall onto Aziraphale’s shoulder and said something that ended up muffled, tears leaking through the shirt Aziraphale had on.

“Oh, Crowley...it’s alright, we only have to do what you're comfortable with.” Aziraphale had no idea what to do, how was he supposed to comfort Crowley when his demon thought he would be disgusted by something he had no control over?


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a month since Aziraphale found out about the teeth. It took 3 weeks, but Crowley was finally comfortable enough to allow light petting. Crowley had even manifested a vulva for him, once, though he was very shy and refused to look at him the entire time. 

Which is why, a week later, he was surprised to hear Crowley’s question that night.

“Are you sure? We can keep going slow, my dear.” Crowley nodded furiously, a bright red blush covering his face, while he wrapped his legs around Aziraphale’s waist.

“Yes, yes I’m sure...just, ah...just...fuck this is even more embarrassing.” Aziraphale blinked at that, and leaned down to kiss Crowley on the forehead, then sat up and pulled Crowley with him. Now he was able to hug his demon to his chest much easier.

“What is it? You know I won't laugh, is it some sort of kink?” Aziraphale asked gently and Crowley hid his face in his angel’s shoulder.

He supposed it was a kink, but at the same time it wasn’t, and it was hard to explain why he felt the need to wrestle. Then after a moment of Aziraphale cooing at him, he pulled his face away from his shoulder.

“I guess it is? Though s’not really, sorta hard to explain.” Crowley started and looked at the wall, face scrunched up a bit as he focused on how to explain.

“It’s, well I guess it might be an instinct? Dunno if you’d really call it that, but I'm getting this strong need to...wrestle.” He finished in a quiet voice and Aziraphale pressed him back down onto the bed.

“Oh, Crowley, there’s no need to get embarrassed over that. I wouldn’t mind wrestling with you, besides I’m sure it’s perfectly normal. I’ve actually read quite a few ero…” Crowley cut Aziraphale off by pressing his hands against his angel’s mouth, wide eyed. He did not want to hear about the smut Aziraphale apparently read. 

“Alright, alright, I’ll spare you the details.” Aziraphale chuckled as he pulled Crowley’s hands off of his mouth, and pinned them to either side of his head and Crowley practically vibrated. Before Aziraphale could say anything else, Crowley had turned his head and started rubbing his chin over the parts of Aziraphale’s arms that he could.

“Oh, was that all you meant then?” Aziraphale asked softly, a light blush covering his face at how adorable Crowley was, before said demon somehow managed to twist around and force him down onto the bed. Then Crowley placed his chin on his head and forced it down as well.

With a tongue flick to the back of his ear, Aziraphale shivered, before rolling and twisting so Crowley was forced back under him. Once Aziraphale had him in a tighter grip, Crowley was baring his neck to him, tongue flicking quickly as he vibrated even more and moaned.

“Angel, angel please, oh fuck I’ve never been more turned on than I am now.” Crowley whined and tried to wiggle out of the hold Aziraphale had on him. He finally stopped struggling when Aziraphale started to kiss and lick at his neck, finally pausing to suck a mark into the skin and he keened.

“Aziraphale, please angel, bite me!” He moaned out, pressing his neck closer and Aziraphale paused for a moment, just long enough that Crowley began to keen again, then he bit down. Which caused Crowley to arch his back then drop down onto the bed limp with his hips bucking. 

With a snap, Aziraphale had them both divested of their clothes a moment late, and moved his hand between them to gently rub at the teeth that poked out from under Crowley’s labia. Slowly, he felt the blunted, round edges of each one until his thumb was rubbing against his demon’s clit, and he had to bite down harder to keep Crowley still.

“F-fuck, angel, fuck that’s good.” He moaned out, legs shaking as he instinctively started to spread them. With a few more rubs to Crowley’s clit, Aziraphale stopped and pressed his cock up to Crowley's opening, that was lined with what could only be described as soft teeth. He waited for a moment as Crowley tried bucking his hips again, then his demon moaned and opened his mouth to speak.  
  
"Oh, angel..." He breathed out, "Give me a cloacal kiss." And they both froze, Crowley blushing so hard that heat radiated off of him and Aziraphale's bite loosened enough that Crowley started wiggling again, throwing his hands over his face in embarrassment.  
  
"Discorporate me now, angel." Crowley groaned.


End file.
